No, I’m not a deep-thinking person. I’m as shallow as they come. However, I do have a life-long belief that, if followed, would probably solve the world’s problems in a nanosecond: 3-way mirrors.

Yes, that’s right, 3-way mirrors. Here’s the basic premise. You’ve seen all of the muffin top people. You’ve seen them at the malls, you’ve seen them at the park, you’ve seen them at work. Where you don’t see them is in the mirror.

A single mirror basically shows us what we want to see. With an ordinary mirror, you can pretend that you’re taller, thinner, whatever. There’s nothing to deny you your fantasies.

But, with a 3-way mirror you are taken out of your pleasant little fiction. Suddenly, in the other two mirrors you see that doppelganger who is your side view and (OHMUGAWD!) back side. Nothing escapes the gaze of the 3-way mirror. No way would you go out in those low riding hip huggers. You’d be able to see your butt crack showing (yes, just like Jerry the plumber). You’d be able to see that tattoo you’ve been meaning to have removed since you broke with what’s-his-name-the-jerk-whose-name-is-on-your-butt. You’d even be able to see how that muffin top of yours is pouring out over the top of your pants: the view the rest of us have to cringe over.

So, how would this solve the world’s problems and bring peace on earth? Think about it: if everyone were issued a 3-way mirror when they were born we would all see ourselves as we truly are. We’d have to face the facts of all our protuberances and pot bellies.

Ah, come on guys. You know who you are. You say that you’re still wearing the same pants size that you were wearing in high school, but your inseam keeps getting shorter. Why? BECAUSE YOU’RE WEARING YOUR WAISTBAND UNDER YOUR BELLY, PUTZ! More than that, comb-overs would disappear overnight. And we’d never have to look at any guy’s boxers sticking out above his too-big jeans-that-are-just-about-to-fall-off-his-frame again.

Okay, I’ve said. Go out there and get yourself a 3-way mirror. Start a revolution!