Yes, I was an only child. I am also left-handed, very important that. My Mum was a Jew, my dad was Catholic. I was sent to Catholic schools because my Mum was afraid that Hitler wasn’t really dead and the Nazis would rise again.** All that and the fact that the nuns would keep me until 5 pm when she got off work. She was also very firm that I would never be made to write right-handed as she had been.

A deal was struck with Sister Elizabeth at St. Francis School. My Mum would drop me off early on her way to work and they would keep me until she came back. Mum insisted that I was not to be “indoctrinated.” She was very firm about that. Sister said okay, but there was just one sticking point: in order to go to St. Francis, I had to be baptised. Obviously, Mum had never heard about, “give me the child and I’ll give you the man.” So, I was baptised at the age of 2 and started my Catholic education.

After a few years, Sister was transferred to Mission Dolores School and was elevated to Mother Superior. I was transferred with her. My memories of Dolores are mostly mundane: catching worms on sticks in the morning as they crawled along the sidewalk. We children would twirl the hapless worms on our sticks and fling them as far as we could. Whoever flung the farthest ‘won.’

It was on that playground that I first heard the word, “nigger.” As in, “eeny meeny, miney mo, catch a nigger by the toe.” When I came home and repeated that particular epithet, I was sent to my room and told never to use that word again.

I can still remember the day that it snowed and our teacher, Sister Brigid, wouldn’t let us go out and play. We stood looking at the snow through the tall windows and it became so quiet. I had never seen snow before. I thought it was magical. Sister thought that it was a pain in the arse. Sister, of course, was right. The snow had melted by the time I went home.

We learned all the rituals. In the pledge of allegiance, “for witch’s stands,” was what we heard and made little witches’ hats with our hands over our heads. The more important rituals that we learned came during catechism class every morning, right after morning Mass. As to Mother Superior’s promise to my Mum, well she must’ve had her fingers crossed behind her back because the minute we waved good bye and the door closed, I was Catholic to the core.

Several things confused me though. If we were the one true faith, then was my Mum going to hell with all the other non-believers? I prayed secretly every night for her soul. I just didn’t think that was fair that she didn’t have a chance to go to heaven. Of course, my Mum knew nothing of this. Then, day I innocently asked her, “Which is my right hand?” “Your ‘right’ hand is the hand you write with.” Oh sure, that helped. I turned my left hand over so the thumb was going the same way as my right. In the meanwhile, Mum started getting upset. She thought that someone was trying to make me right-handed. Phone calls were made.

The next morning, I was marched into Mother Superior’s office with my Mum. We were sitting in wooden chairs in front of her desk. My Mum was going on about how I was not supposed to be made right-handed. Mother Superior was nodding. Soon Sister Brigid was called into the room. Mother Superior asked Sister if she could explain what was going on. “Well, Anon was crossing herself with her left hand. I told her not to do that.” “And that would be, why?” “Well, Satan sat on the left-hand side of the Lord before he became a fallen angel,” said Sister with a certainty that that nugget must have been common knowledge. The silence was palpable. Mother Superior was looking down at her desk. I caught her eye; she was trying not to laugh. She took a deep breath and looked up at Sister, “Well, Sister while I can appreciate your concern; I assure you that I don’t care if Anon crosses herself with her toes, as long as she crosses herself. Have I made myself understood?” Sister was gobsmacked, “Yes, Mother.” After Sister left, Mother Superior turned to my Mum, “Well, I think we have that settled. No one is going to make Anon right-handed” “Yes, thank you,” Mum said very pleased with herself. After she left Mother Superior turned to me, “I think we understand each other you and I.” I nodded. “Your Mum needn’t worry unnecessarily about your education anymore, right?” “I shook my head. “You’ll let me know if you have any problems with Sister?” I nodded with gusto. She walked me back to class.

I came out of it okay. My Mum thought that she had got her way. Sister thought that I was a special charge of Mother Superior and treated me with great deference from then on. I continued to cross myself with my left hand and pray for my Mum’s soul every day at Mass and every evening in my secret bedtime prayers. It didn’t help in the end, but I felt good about doing it.

*Edd
**Adolf wasn’t too fond of Catholics either but, in her convoluted logic, it would spare me.