Family is an interesting concept. There is the nuclear family, the extended family, all sorts of family. Then, there is the family from hell. We all have family of one sort or another. Some of us even feel that we have the family from hell. Shall we define just one of things that constitute being in a family from hell?

“Hefty bagging,” is a sure sign of being in the family from hell. “What is ‘hefty bagging’?” you ask. Well, I’m here to let you in on this sure sign of Hade-ious behaviour.

You may call them garbage bags, or bin liners or Hefty Bags; but they’re all for holding garbage. However, when you turn them into verbs they’re insidious manipulative devices that work best if the ‘Bagger’ is a close relative. Also,to ‘Hefty Bag’ someone you have to hold on to every grievance you perceive that person has perpetrated against you.

Here’s how it works: say sis forgot your birthday once 15 years ago. You make a note to yourself in perpetual ink (it’s made of blood and lasts far longer than permanent ink) and slip it into the Hefty Bag. On every occasion that seems appropriate (Dad’s birthday, Mother’s Day, New Year’s Eve, Arbour Day) you reach into your Hefty Bag and pull out an old gem. “I can still feel the pain when you forgot my birthday in 1980.” Usually, it’s done in a passive/aggressive way (I see you always remember Bro’s birthday, not like you forgot mine in 1990.”). But, after a bit of alcohol, you can really let it rip (You bitch, you always hated me. You turned Mum against me!”).

Hefty Bagging is usually a solitary avocation and there’s a good reason why. Remember that you’re filling that bag up with garbage. It’s your garbage, but it’s still garbage. After a while, 2 things happen: it gets real heavy, and it starts to stink.

So, because it’s heavy the ‘Bagger’ wants help carrying the bag. Occasionally you can dupe someone into helping, but the closer the ‘dupee’ gets to the bag the more he/she notices the stink.

The ‘Bagger’ will go through serial friendships/relationships. You know the type: you run into them a few years later and you don’t recognise anyone in their lives. They go through friends like other people go through toilet paper. Yes, that is an apt comparison.

So, here’s to letting go. Drop the bag. Walk away from it. ‘Cause the bag gets heavy and it stinks.